The “No-Spoiled-Rotten” Policy:  Teaching the Value of Hard Work

The “No-Spoiled-Rotten” Policy: Teaching the Value of Hard Work

Do begging, pouty lips and puppy-dog faces send you over the edge of giving in?  While thinking that giving in every now and then won’t hurt, you could be creating a habit of easily giving in way more than you intended to.  I don’t think too many parents make plans to spoil their kids.  However, it is easy to feel guilty.  And, we tend to want to give our kids more than what they ask for… and many times, more than they need.  So, how do you bring up responsible, independent and confident children in a world that has so much to offer?

Love and Logic© offers suggestions for maintaining a loving parent-child relationship during those times where you feel like to need to escape the asking, begging, whining and crying.   Responsible and independent children need to grow up not getting everything they want.  Why?  Because spoiled children grow up to become ungrateful and, unfortunately, not having learned the value of hard work and struggle needed to succeed.

Here are five simple steps that will assist your children in becoming (and remaining) hard working, financially and emotionally independent:

  1. Show your child that you understand what he or she desires and reaffirm that you understand their requests by providing plenty of empathy through your choice of words and actions.
  2. Don’t just say “NO”, instead have a conversation about how they plan to pay for it.
  3. When your child reacts with frustration or obvious disappointment when you won’t give in and buy something, ask if they have ideas about how they could pay for it.
  4. If your child is still in determined pursuit, then give your child a couple of different options for paying on how he or she could pay for it… earning money, doing extra chores, selling something, etc.
  5. If you have a strong-willed or an emotional child, you may need one more step. Don’t get sucked into having an argument!  Wish your child luck in figuring out a solution and let them know you’ll be happy to have a conversation when they calm down.
Kathy Jenkins is the President of Come To Order, a residential professional organizing company in Richmond, VA.  As a Certified Professional Organizer®, Certified Family Manager® Coach, Love & Logic® Parenting Facilitator/Coach and Student Organizer, Kathy especially enjoys working with kids and their families to help them learn good organizational skills that will benefit them for a lifetime.  To learn more about Love & Logic Parenting, visit Kathy at The Organizing Tutor.

Come to Order


  1. Amanda,
    Thanks for the book suggestion! I’ll check it out.
    At Come To Order we teach and coach parents using “Parenting the Love and Logic Way” http://
    You may find this also very helpful. Stay firm with choices and limits and it won’t be long before your oldest begins to come around. And as for your younger son… knowing that you want to approach parenting differently is the first step! I applaud you 🙂 ~Kathy

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