A Glass of Whining You Don’t Want
Even as adults, we try so hard to get the things that we know we can’t have. Although we want different things than kids, sometimes adults don’t act too much differently than children do.
Characteristics like persistence and determination, especially in public, don’t look like attractive traits. But as a positive parent, encouraging a child to grow natural actions into positive life tools. Here are four reminders to encourage your child through whining tantrums:
DON’T DO IT!
A parent that tolerates whining will eventually whine back to their kids. Don’t allow yourself to become comfortable with a complaining kid. It will become an unattractive habit for both of you. Also, don’t start blaming, accusing or trying to reason with your child about this type of behavior, you’re just feeding the tiger,” says James Lehman, author of Total Transformation Program.
To effectively fight whining words, respond to a complaining child with multiple-choice questions. Allowing a child time to think about an answer will interrupt the whining. Ask, “Do you suppose I’ll be able to understand you better when you are whining, or not whining”. Be welcoming to communicate with them when they change their tone of voice.
KEEP IT TOGETHER
Remaining calm is imperative for a positive parent. If a parent is able to reply to whining by saying, “When your voice sounds like mine, I’ll be glad to talk with you,” and you can honestly say that, you will be displaying an example worth copying. A statement like this allows the child’s tone of voice to be addressed, rather than addressing the situation or what they want.
If a parent communicates with a child (in a prior conversation) that they will act like they don’t hear the complaining, but they will hear the child if they talk nicely: eventually, the child will speak respectfully.
For additional advice, we suggest reading Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay
Kathy Jenkins is the President of Come To Order, a residential professional organizing company in Richmond, VA. As a Certified Professional Organizer®, Certified Family Manager® Coach, Love & Logic Parenting® Facilitator/Coach and Student Organizer, Kathy especially enjoys working with kids and their families to help them learn good organizational skills that will benefit them for a lifetime. To learn more about Love & Logic Parenting, follow Kathy on Facebook.